i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
