Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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