just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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