hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
