walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
