Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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