the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
