if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
