i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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