literally had 100 drinks last night.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
