Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
