I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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