he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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