Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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