you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
