I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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