Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
