I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am mentally ready for anal.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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