It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
