My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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