Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
