He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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