her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
