Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
