I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
