I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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