he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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