you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
