Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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