I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Two words: nipple clamps
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