Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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