good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
