I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
