i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize