So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
