We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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