you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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