Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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