I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
