On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
