I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
