Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
