Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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