If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
