Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
