i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
