Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
