Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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