That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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