I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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