He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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