i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
