so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
